Empty Souls, Hollow Homes

Those Words You Don't Mean

Sitting alone and it's silent,

Your words are screaming at me,

Tryin' to figure out the meaning,

It's like a puzzle missing a piece,

I feel I'm racing so quickly,

But my feet are planted on the floor,

You'd think such a torn up heart,

Couldn't take anymore,

I lay beside pillows and blankets,

Pretending I'm not alone in the dark,

Wishing those words in my head,

Would find another beat up heart.

So I'll lay here in delusion,

Hoping to feel your hand on mine,

Instead of wide awake confusion,

Wondering if it will last this time

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Uneventful day. Just needing to find some purpose. I just can't make sense of it all. Maybe that is my problem, I try to make sense of everything, even things not meant to be taken as logic. How can one so used to filtering the world through logic, acquire a different filter? Relinquish control? Me? I wouldn't know how. I guess I am a control freak after all. I feel as though I receive zero direction in life. Occasionally I'll receive a convicting thought or two after the fact, but before hand... nothing. Awesome. I really love how this whole thing is turning out. Religion, I mean. Raised in a Christian home I have been given all of the "answers", so to speak. However, those cliche responses are not enough to satisfy me. I want to find more for myself. Maybe that is the control freak within me speaking, but either way, I need to find what's best for me. However, I can't seem to do so. I seem to end up on dead end roads with wooded areas all around and no glimpse of the light. Maybe sitting around and waiting for the trees to fall down isn't the best option, but I'm not sure which route to take. Is it not better than getting more lost or taking the wrong road? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm wasting time waiting for nothing. Would I know a sign if I ran into it? Probably not. I'm too busy looking for a sign to even recognize when a real one appears. What to do with me? A hopeless cynic with some major control/anxiety issues. Could I be a lost cause? Or simply trying to find a cause that seems to be lost? Either way, God, a little direction would be greatly appreciated. Please & thank you.