If you have enough time and energy to read this post, I would love some feedback! :)
As girls, most of us cannot wait to get older, find that perfect guy who won't hurt us or leave us, and who will, well, love us forever. Guys. We date them, get hurt by them, make stupid mistakes because of them, get drunk one too many times over them, and then feel lost without them. Even the most independent of women are usually just bitter because of one too many heartbreaks that they feel it isn't worth it letting someone in anymore. I know, because I've been in all of these places. My, now, husband, and I have dated since our senior year of high school (off and on) and all through college. We've been through the dramatic fights, break ups, and heartbreak of teenagers in love. Incredibly, we managed to make it through all of the chaos to a place where we realized we truly do love each other more than just two high school sweethearts trying to rekindle a dwindling romance.
We got engaged last May 1st (2009) and recently got married (June 19, 2010) and are now living the married life, typically described as "marital bliss", the "honeymoon stage", and other romantic terms describing couples so caught up in love that they are overcome with emotion. I guess I always believed that was how it would be once we said "I do" and moved in together. I don't know if it is my fault for having unrealistic expectations or for buying into stupid romantic ideologies that the movie industry promotes. Either way, life as a newly married couple has been anything but ideal. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my husband and am NOT having second thoughts about getting married. I am simply re-evaluating my previous expectations and ideas of life after marriage.
Try not to laugh, but I guess I expected decorating our cute little house, keeping it organized and clean, sharing responsibilities, and both being so in love and happy to be together that the details just fell into place. He has always been good with money so I figured he'd head up the financial aspects and I would take charge of the domestics. By "take charge" I mean more along the lines of "distribute". I never expected to take full responsibility for it all. However, my poor anticipation of the after-marriage-life could not have been farther from accuracy. I feel as though by getting married I assumed not only the job of co-contributer financially, but also Maid, Cook, Dishwasher, and Understudy. I am a Maid in the sense that I am always cleaning. I clean the house one night, go to work (he gets off before I do), come home and have to clean up the mess he's made since I've been gone. I'm a Cook in the sense that I cook dinner practically every night (he knows how to cook). He gets off at 4 and I get off at 6 yet I am the one expected to start dinner and have it ready at a decent time. I am a Dishwasher because we do not have one and if I don't do them they will pile up for days until we either fight about it or do them myself. What I mean by Understudy is that I feel that I do not carry as much power as he does. He is constantly making small remarks about how he makes more money than me and it is SO frustrating. For instance: I turn over my entire check to him to distribute it towards bills ( we do take out equal amounts of "play" money which we are free to use however we want). He recently got a bonus on one of his checks. He had been saving the checks from this particular job to go towards his books for school this quarter, but apparently he had some extra money from the bonus. So rather than putting it in savings, or towards our "date night" fund, he calls to see if it would be okay if he buys Madden 2010 with the money. I suppose it is good that he called, but I felt obligated to say yes, because he makes such a big deal about making more than me. So now, on a night we were supposed to spend together, he has been sitting on the couch nonstop playing football. He paused it to watch a movie with me, but then went straight back to his game after it ended. How romantic. So far, marriage is anything BUT what I anticipated. Not to mention all of the fun bills you get to pay.
I know that the first year has got to be tough adjusting to living with someone. I've only ever lived with girls (I have 2 sisters and lived with girls in college). So I suppose that living with a boy should be a challenge to get used to at first. I guess I assumed that since Travis and I have been dating for years and know each other so well that this would not be so big of an adjustment. I admit my ignorance. I would love to have one romantic date night where we do more than eat out and come home. A date night where some planning was involved. I would love if he took the time to do some things around the house without me asking 10392352 times. It's probably even more annoying to me because I work with kids and have to clean up after them all day and repeat myself a million times to get them to do things, then I come home and have to do the same thing for a grown man.
I think it is even more frustrating because all of my friends are either single or have gone back to college. So I am stuck here with no one to talk to about these things. I rarely get to go out with anyone unless my sisters are in town. So if I need some time away from home, I have to go it alone. All of this to say that is Apparently why I am venting to a blog. Sorry if this post is negative and lengthy. I just needed to get a few things off of my chest.
If you read this small chapter and have any comments or advice, please feel free to share! I could use some pointers! :) Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend so far!
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