There’s so much on my mind.
The distance, the path, the hurdles, the time..
Running, running running..
No time to breathe.
Stop and be engulfed, surrounded, trapped.
Light is short and far-between.
Darkness protrudes like an empty reminder of my weaknesses.
Insecurities surface like warning signs differing me from the Truth.
Truth seems to be everywhere but nowhere all at once.
Surrender seems impossible.
Dreams are no longer great possibilities,
They can hurt worse than reality...
Alone
I’m grounded in my ways.
My heart is hardened to Your’s
I know better, but feel nothing anymore.
Give me feeling, the passion, the desire
Show me the way, Your way, Your desire,
Teach me, show me Your way...
And help me forget my own...
Bind my hands, my desires, my plans
Guide me, Love me, Forgive me, Help me...
Surrender...
___________________________________
LOVE (written in 2007)
It hurts. My heart does.
Whenever I think of him.
He could be the one. He doesn’t try to be.
He wants to be...someday.
That’s what he says.
But he can’t comprehend someday, let alone
forever
And I can’t wait for “someday”.
It just hurts.
Too much to stay here.
So I have to leave- to get away...
From this waiting, wondering, wishing...
Hoping...
For nothing.
Or for something that might never happen.
Or might happen, someday.
But Someday is too long.
It isn’t a day. It has no length.
I can’t wait forever.
Because I want to spend my forever in his.
He is beautiful chaos. And I love that.
But now I can’t take being alone yet together.
Too many lonely nights wanting more.
From him.
Wanting him.
Hanging on every “I love you”
Every one said with breathless meaning.
Meaning that may not exist.
To me it does.
I want it to.
To him.
So I’ll give you the freedom.
The thing you need that you can’t ask for.
Because you really don’t know.
And you won’t say it.
Not out loud.
It is too loud.
Because it might be wrong.
And you can’t live with your mistakes.
You don’t make mistakes.
But inside you know you do.
You miss those nights.
The ones when laughter would take over.
When my smile would be enough.
But not now.
It’s not enough.
You don’t even see it anymore.
You just think you do.
But it’s not really there.
If you would just look deeper.
I can’t get inside your head.
Or I could tell you for sure.
But I’m restless.
And long for you.
The old you.
The one who wanted it all.
And found it all.
In me.
But you can’t be satisfied anymore.
And if you realized it...
You’d miss me.
If you realize it...
You’ll miss me.
You miss me.
I miss you.
I miss us.
