Insirations

Adorable charcoal Miss Poppins coat from Ruche

This scarf is from Ruche but is practically identical to the

grignolino scarf from Anthropologie for a little less ($22.99)

I love this vintage style rose and pearl ring from Ruche

Flickr find! I love this photo and the Irregular Choice flats she has on.

[Belongings]

This type of shoe is what I am looking for to wear to my reception. A simple flat

decorated with a vintage-style flower.

Adorable sweaters from Forever21

Save-the-Date Struggles

Completing Travis & I's Save-the-Date's has been the largest item on my to-do list this week. Little did I know it would turn out to be such a struggle. I wanted to do something unique so I created my own template on Adobe Photoshop a couple of weeks ago. I purchased the paper, bought the mounting strips, stocked up on photo and magnetic paper, and printed test sheets to make sure things were on track. So one would think that it would not take long to print and assemble 100 Save the Date's. Wrong. It has been one issue after the other. First the sizes, then the clarity, now the color. For some reason the ink was printing fine last night, ran out, was replaced, and is now printing in a blue-ish tone. Frustrating! Hopefully, I can finish this battle tomorrow. Here is the progress I have made thus far...

This is the template that I designed.. I used ivory cardstock from Hobby Lobby and printed the

pink background to coordinate with our colors...

100!

The next step was to mount the Save the Date onto the patterned paper

Ta-da!

I decided to design it with square indicators where the pictures should be

placed in order to ensure that they remained almost identical

After the pictures were added (2) I decided to add a photo magnet to the bottom

to make it easy for our guests to remember the date

I have most of these printed, however, the printer decided to start printing them

in a blue tone, so that must be corrected before I can go any further

I think I got about 65 magnets cut out... just 35 more to go :(

Luckily, I found ivory envelopes that fit these perfectly. I was concerned about finding large enough envelopes. I did have to shrink the design a bit, but all-in-all it still looks pretty nice, wouldn't you agree? At least these lean more towards representing me opposed to store bought/ pre-ordered Save the Date's. I was able to exercise my creativity, despite the desire to do so at times. Hopefully they will be a thing of the past in just a couple more days. Talk about a relief! Wish me luck! :)

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

New inspirational planner...just perfect :)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

Love these earrings...

And these!

Favorite engagement picture of Travis & I

Aerie perfume is my favorite right now!

Ebay treasure I bought this past summer

In love with these shoes. I found them at Target and it was love at first site :)

Dessert Anyone?

Decided to share an amazing APPLE PIE recipe to any who are lucky enough to stumble upon it. Probably the best crumb top apple pie I have ever eaten! No exaggeration! It's a more liquid version, but gooey and delicious! :)

Ingredients for filling:

1 tsp. salt

2 c. white sugar

6 tbsp. flour (all purpose- or if using self rising, do not add the salt)

2 egg yolks

2 c. water

2 tsp. vanilla

Directions:

Cook on stove until very thick. Continuously stir at lower heat so that egg yolks do not solidify.

Ingredients for crust:

Rolled pie crust

3 baking apples (I'd recommend Gala Apples), sliced as thinly as desired

Directions:

Purchase a Pillsbury (or generic brand) rolled pie crust (usually in the aisle with the crescent rolls & cinnamon rolls). Unroll into pie plate and fill with apples. You can also sprinkle some lemon juice onto the apples to keep them from turning brown as quickly or avoid cutting them until the filling mixture is ready to be poured.

Pour the filling over the apples, covering the entire pie plate.

Ingredients for crumb mix:

2 c. flour

1/2 c. shortening (part butter)

1/2 c. light brown sugar

1/2 tsp. salt (do not have to use salt if using self-rising flour)

Mix together with mixer until it looks like a crumb topping. Use hands to sprinkle the topping over the entire pie. It usually makes enough to top two pies.

BAKE at 375 degrees until crust is brown on edges... usually about 25-30+ minutes depending upon the oven.

ENJOY! :)

Ps. Vanilla Icecream is a nice touch to this dessert! Mmmm!

Empty Souls, Hollow Homes

Those Words You Don't Mean

Sitting alone and it's silent,

Your words are screaming at me,

Tryin' to figure out the meaning,

It's like a puzzle missing a piece,

I feel I'm racing so quickly,

But my feet are planted on the floor,

You'd think such a torn up heart,

Couldn't take anymore,

I lay beside pillows and blankets,

Pretending I'm not alone in the dark,

Wishing those words in my head,

Would find another beat up heart.

So I'll lay here in delusion,

Hoping to feel your hand on mine,

Instead of wide awake confusion,

Wondering if it will last this time

___________________________________________

Uneventful day. Just needing to find some purpose. I just can't make sense of it all. Maybe that is my problem, I try to make sense of everything, even things not meant to be taken as logic. How can one so used to filtering the world through logic, acquire a different filter? Relinquish control? Me? I wouldn't know how. I guess I am a control freak after all. I feel as though I receive zero direction in life. Occasionally I'll receive a convicting thought or two after the fact, but before hand... nothing. Awesome. I really love how this whole thing is turning out. Religion, I mean. Raised in a Christian home I have been given all of the "answers", so to speak. However, those cliche responses are not enough to satisfy me. I want to find more for myself. Maybe that is the control freak within me speaking, but either way, I need to find what's best for me. However, I can't seem to do so. I seem to end up on dead end roads with wooded areas all around and no glimpse of the light. Maybe sitting around and waiting for the trees to fall down isn't the best option, but I'm not sure which route to take. Is it not better than getting more lost or taking the wrong road? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm wasting time waiting for nothing. Would I know a sign if I ran into it? Probably not. I'm too busy looking for a sign to even recognize when a real one appears. What to do with me? A hopeless cynic with some major control/anxiety issues. Could I be a lost cause? Or simply trying to find a cause that seems to be lost? Either way, God, a little direction would be greatly appreciated. Please & thank you.

Gravity

I feel as though I am in a slump lately. I'm not sure why. Everything seems to be going right for once. I'm home, finished with school in Tennessee, with family, with my fiance, enjoying free time, but something is off. Hmm. Christmas was excellent. Lots of time with family, both Travis' and mine. It was much-needed. I finally got a new camera that I am extremely happy with. My sisters surprised me with it on Christmas Day. Wonderful surprise! It's a Canon 1200 SD and I highly recommend it, especially for detailed close-ups with a digital... great quality and automatic scene detection! My mom just bought one today as well. Speaking of my mom, I am all shopped out. Aside from the annual Christmas shopping madness, she has drug me (willingly & unwillingly) to so many stores lately that I am over shopping (temporarily of course). This is another indicator of my slump... me? tired of shopping?... strange. I only wish I could figure out what has got me so down, it's a bit annoying really. Maybe I just need to adopt a little more creativity in my life. I haven't had any time for hobbies due to the hectic holiday festivities. It is quite possible that I just need some creative therapy. Hmm... but what to make?

In other news, I exchanged my wedding dress for an ivory version of the same dress. I think it was the right decision. I won't be able to see it until it arrives in March, so I am very anxious. I just think it will look much better with my skin tone. I also might have possibly found the song that I will walk down the aisle to. It's a piano version of Look After You by the Piano Tribute Players... it seems to be the perfect song in my opinion. Lots more wedding details to look forward to. Next on the list: Save the Dates. I need to start putting them together & getting them sent out before mid January. It's hard to believe I am getting married in less than 6 months. Maybe I am just going through pre-marital anxiety or something that has to do with leaving home and anticipating immense changes that are about to occur in my life. 22 years of doing things one way then having to change definitely warrants some anxiety, right? This was my last Christmas at home, and it wasn't even a typical traditional Christmas since Travis & I attended each other's Christmas activities.

I feel so old lately. Like I'm experiencing an early form of a quarter life crisis. I'm only 22, but in just a few months I'll be married- a wife! That's a whole new phase of life. I am definitely looking forward to it, but feel as though I have so much to learn. I don't want to turn into an old woman just because I gain a new identity as a wife. I want to still have fun like a 22 year-old should. Travis & I do most things together anyway, maybe it won't be THAT much different. A little nervous, but that's normal. Mostly excited more than anything. I have figured out that I am so not ready for the idea of kids. I used to think that I would want them shortly after being married. Now, I am sure that will not be the case. I actually get a little freaked out thinking about it. Let's hope that they will remain several years down the line.

Here is a picture of my new favorite necklace taken by my new camera!

Okay, enough ranting, time for bed. Goodnight. :)

"And Every Single lie Sounds Just Like the Greatest Truth"

SURRENDER (Written 12.10.07)

There’s so much on my mind.

The distance, the path, the hurdles, the time..

Running, running running..

No time to breathe.

Stop and be engulfed, surrounded, trapped.

Light is short and far-between.

Darkness protrudes like an empty reminder of my weaknesses.

Insecurities surface like warning signs differing me from the Truth.

Truth seems to be everywhere but nowhere all at once.

Surrender seems impossible.

Dreams are no longer great possibilities,

They can hurt worse than reality...

Alone

I’m grounded in my ways.

My heart is hardened to Your’s

I know better, but feel nothing anymore.

Give me feeling, the passion, the desire

Show me the way, Your way, Your desire,

Teach me, show me Your way...

And help me forget my own...

Bind my hands, my desires, my plans

Guide me, Love me, Forgive me, Help me...

Surrender...

___________________________________

LOVE (written in 2007)

It hurts. My heart does.

Whenever I think of him.

He could be the one. He doesn’t try to be.

He wants to be...someday.

That’s what he says.

But he can’t comprehend someday, let alone

forever

And I can’t wait for “someday”.

It just hurts.

Too much to stay here.

So I have to leave- to get away...

From this waiting, wondering, wishing...

Hoping...

For nothing.

Or for something that might never happen.

Or might happen, someday.

But Someday is too long.

It isn’t a day. It has no length.

I can’t wait forever.

Because I want to spend my forever in his.

He is beautiful chaos. And I love that.

But now I can’t take being alone yet together.

Too many lonely nights wanting more.

From him.

Wanting him.

Hanging on every “I love you”

Every one said with breathless meaning.

Meaning that may not exist.

To me it does.

I want it to.

To him.

So I’ll give you the freedom.

The thing you need that you can’t ask for.

Because you really don’t know.

And you won’t say it.

Not out loud.

It is too loud.

Because it might be wrong.

And you can’t live with your mistakes.

You don’t make mistakes.

But inside you know you do.

You miss those nights.

The ones when laughter would take over.

When my smile would be enough.

But not now.

It’s not enough.

You don’t even see it anymore.

You just think you do.

But it’s not really there.

If you would just look deeper.

I can’t get inside your head.

Or I could tell you for sure.

But I’m restless.

And long for you.

The old you.

The one who wanted it all.

And found it all.

In me.

But you can’t be satisfied anymore.

And if you realized it...

You’d miss me.

If you realize it...

You’ll miss me.

You miss me.

I miss you.

I miss us.