"And Every Single lie Sounds Just Like the Greatest Truth"

SURRENDER (Written 12.10.07)

There’s so much on my mind.

The distance, the path, the hurdles, the time..

Running, running running..

No time to breathe.

Stop and be engulfed, surrounded, trapped.

Light is short and far-between.

Darkness protrudes like an empty reminder of my weaknesses.

Insecurities surface like warning signs differing me from the Truth.

Truth seems to be everywhere but nowhere all at once.

Surrender seems impossible.

Dreams are no longer great possibilities,

They can hurt worse than reality...

Alone

I’m grounded in my ways.

My heart is hardened to Your’s

I know better, but feel nothing anymore.

Give me feeling, the passion, the desire

Show me the way, Your way, Your desire,

Teach me, show me Your way...

And help me forget my own...

Bind my hands, my desires, my plans

Guide me, Love me, Forgive me, Help me...

Surrender...

___________________________________

LOVE (written in 2007)

It hurts. My heart does.

Whenever I think of him.

He could be the one. He doesn’t try to be.

He wants to be...someday.

That’s what he says.

But he can’t comprehend someday, let alone

forever

And I can’t wait for “someday”.

It just hurts.

Too much to stay here.

So I have to leave- to get away...

From this waiting, wondering, wishing...

Hoping...

For nothing.

Or for something that might never happen.

Or might happen, someday.

But Someday is too long.

It isn’t a day. It has no length.

I can’t wait forever.

Because I want to spend my forever in his.

He is beautiful chaos. And I love that.

But now I can’t take being alone yet together.

Too many lonely nights wanting more.

From him.

Wanting him.

Hanging on every “I love you”

Every one said with breathless meaning.

Meaning that may not exist.

To me it does.

I want it to.

To him.

So I’ll give you the freedom.

The thing you need that you can’t ask for.

Because you really don’t know.

And you won’t say it.

Not out loud.

It is too loud.

Because it might be wrong.

And you can’t live with your mistakes.

You don’t make mistakes.

But inside you know you do.

You miss those nights.

The ones when laughter would take over.

When my smile would be enough.

But not now.

It’s not enough.

You don’t even see it anymore.

You just think you do.

But it’s not really there.

If you would just look deeper.

I can’t get inside your head.

Or I could tell you for sure.

But I’m restless.

And long for you.

The old you.

The one who wanted it all.

And found it all.

In me.

But you can’t be satisfied anymore.

And if you realized it...

You’d miss me.

If you realize it...

You’ll miss me.

You miss me.

I miss you.

I miss us.

The Roller Coaster We Call Life...

It's been awhile. Partly because I have been overwhelmed with school work as the semester has finally come to an end and partly because I have had several other things on my mind lately.

One thing occupying much of my thoughts is the fact that my boyfriend proposed two weeks ago today (May 1st)! We've just approached the beginning stages of planning our wedding and figuring out all of the millions of things we must do and pay for before this time next year. It's exhausting! But very exciting! So far the colors are pink and green and off-white... However, they are pending. Seems kind of girly, but the flower arrangements that my mom and I saw are what really convinced me that I love those colors. They have green hydrangeas, pink roses, off-white peonies, and pink and white delphiniums in them. Anyway, I have lots of time to figure out details.

Tonight we held my Grandpa's 84th? birthday party. It was tons of fun. My aunt and uncle from Troy came as well as my cousins who brought their new baby Rowynn. It was the first time I have gotten to see her and it was so awesome. She is so cute and tiny! Tomorrow will be a long day attempting to please Promzilla (aka my younger sister). It is her senior prom so of course everything must be perfect or all hell will break loose. I'm exhausted right now.. I will hopefully include something less surface-level next time!

I found these gorgeous cakes on The Knot website while sifting through their massive inventory of bridal tips and suggestions!

This is a centerpiece inspiration I found on The Knot as well...

Bridesmaid dress possibility... only in pink and slightly less puffy... Maybe this shade of pink (without the hot pink ribbon!)

I Like this color of pink dresses! I also love these decorations for a bridal shower! Very girly and cute!

My mom said she is planning on throwing Travis and I an engagement party after my sister's graduation so that we can invite his family and have a cookout/bonfire. I love that I already feel as though I am a part of his family and know that our families get along wonderfully. That's one less area of stress in my life! I'm really looking forward to it! Monday my mom, Abbie (sister), and possibly Beth (my cousin) are going dress shopping. I can't wait! I already have found a dress that I love so this process might not be that difficult! If only the church would call us back so we could get that item out of the way! So much to do! Okay, now it is really time for bed! God bless! <3

PS: My sister introduced me to this adorable shirt that she found at Forever 21. I caved and bought one like hers. I must admit, it was love at first sight! It's kind of hard to recognize the detail in this picture, but it was worth every penny :) I suggest you run and pick one up as well before they're all gone. The cashier said they were selling fast!

Spring Favorites So Far!

I love this top from Ruche! And this one!

These cute little dishes from PrinceDesignUK.

I really love this handbag on Etsy!

And this pouch!

From Heidi Merrick Love it!

I really love lemon cupcakes and want to make these this summer! I also want to make these Rugelach cookies from Martha Stewart!

This picture is so cute!

And these look like a work of art!

I love the bright colors

Summer project maybe? Candles with leaves...

An sweet arial view picture...it looks WAY better here!

Random cute pictures found here....

That is all for now :)

Happenings

I haven't written in awhile. Alot has happened. Spring break, homework, life. So now I'm updating. Here are a few of the things that have happened to me over the last few weeks

Easter Sunday with both of our families!

My new cousin Rowynn Zaleigh was born a month early!

Pictures of Knoxville that I took for a school project. I love the random art found on buildings in the city.

I really like this image I found on Flickr

I have around a month left of school until summer and I can't wait. This weekend I'm throwing my roommate a Bachelorette party so I've been frantically running around finishing up the last minute errands that I have to get done. I'm excited about it though. I think it will turn out well if all goes as planned! In the spirit of planning a celebration, I've been looking around at different cakes. I found these online from Sarah Magid. I love them!

In terms of shopping finds, my latest favorite Ruche piece is this adorable shirt:

This is a Heritage Anita dress from Forever 21. It's only $16.90 and seemingly worth it! Here are some more finds from Forever 21 that I would love to add to my summer closet:

I love the Fabulous Finds section. You can find items like this leaf print top for amazingly cheap prices!

Only $15.80 and I'm in love :)

I just recently bought a pair of gladiator sandals, and I can't wait for warmer

weather to get to wear them!

This is from the Mike & Chris Spring 09 Collection. Too cute!

In terms of craftiness, I've been creating random odds and ends. I finally attempted making clay flowers and loved it! I had to leave it all at home though seeing as I can only fit so much into my dorm. I decided to take a whack at baking over break and made a double layer cake. It turned out pretty well. Very short of perfect, but definitely pleasant to eat. I even made fondant flowers that slightly resemble the clay ones to decorate the cake. Here is a rough picture I took on my phone:

For someone who has only baked a handful of times in their 21 years, I felt that this was a decent turnout! Needless to say, I was proud of my accomplishment!

Well, that is all for now... time to begin a day of homework. I have a busy week ahead of me!

God Bless!

♥

Ps. On a minor side note, I found that turquoise Mossimo bag found in my post before last on sale for 50% off! As you can probably imagine, I bought it without thinking twice! And if you are wondering, yes, it is everything I has hoped it would be! I've already carried it for the past three days and have no complaints thus far! :)

Sun-less Sunday

[Check out these beautiful pictures by Elle Moss]

I've been in quite a mellow mood this weekend, which could be attributed to the weather, or possibly because I'm just utterly exhausted from my week of classes, especially since I am still healing from this cold that I can't seem to get rid of! Either way, I've had no desire to go out with a group or do anything moderately strenuous. So I've lounged around and watched movies. It's been glorious! With less than one week left until spring break I am more than ready to get off campus and make the five hour drive north to Ohio! Not to mention I'll get to spend some quality time with the boy :) It's been almost three weeks since I've gotten to see him so this break will give us 10 days together! On a side note, this will be my last spring break as a student. Since I will be finishing up in December I won't be here next spring semester. Oh, how I can't wait! I discovered Polyvore a few months ago and must say that I am already addicted. Here are a few sets that I randomly created this weekend...

I Love these shoes from Ruche. They are

so vintage and just adorable.

I just recently bought this shirt and love it!

I managed to get the last one of this style on

the rack. I was very happy. They had other colors,

but this one was my favorite. So far I've only worn it

once with my tangerine colored cardigan, skinny jeans,

and a pair of brown flats (due to the cold Ohio

weather). I'd like to try it out with sandals next time,

when its warmer!

I also recently purchased these olive colored flats

from Payless. I haven't had a chance to wear them

yet. I think I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity

to come along..

.

Speaking of Payless, these heels are from

the Lela Rose collection for Payless. I think

they are super cute!

This is a dress I found on SarahSeven's Etsy.

It is gorgeous!

How cute is this? Although I am not a coffee

lover myself, I do appreciate a good cup of tea.

However, I thought this might be a good gift for

my younger sister. She IS a coffee addict and also

a college student. What do you think? It's kind of

expensive (for a student's budget), but it's definitely

unique and creative! I found this at KnitStorm's Etsy

shop. They also have a variety of colors!

Remodeling Ideas I found from random blogs:

So my boyfriend, Travis, and I have been dating off and on

since the fall of our senior year of high school ( almost four years).

He is in school in Ohio and I am here in Tennessee. The distance

is difficult, but we are surviving. Anyway, I guess you could say

we are finally in the pre-engagement stage of our relationship.

We went ring shopping the last time I was home, and I know that

he has been saving since last year. As of right now he lives in his

grandparents' old house that they rent out with his friend and his

brother. However, once we get married next year they will be gone

and it will just be him and I. The bad part is, the house is a little old

(not too horrible), but could definitely use some remodeling. I've been

collecting random ideas here and there and just can't wait to get started

on the remodeling (which probably won't be for awhile). So far I'm

thinking about doing navy, eggshell white, and a cornflower blue in the

bedroom, seeing as it already has a grayish blue carpet and one brown

paneled wall that his grandparents are set on keeping. I really like the

picture of the fireplace with all of the candles on top. I think it sets a

really cozy mood.

The house has three bedrooms, one bath, a living room,

a kitchen/dining room, and an unfinished basement. We

have already decided to turn one of the bedrooms into a

guest bedroom/art room for me and another bedroom

into a music room for him. I thought these pencil cups

would be perfect for his music room!

Well, those are my random thoughts so far today. I might

be back with more as the evening progresses!